Why I'm a mom

Ever since I first got pregnant, I heard lots of comments like, "how can you afford to have a baby in med school?", "you still need time for yourself", or the comment I got from the ponytailed cashier at Walmart yesterday as I pushed Lily through the checkout line, "you're growing up too fast." 

And I'll be honest.  We do have med school loans.  And yes, in case anyone was wondering I'm only 22.  I don't work; I spend 24/7 with my Lily girl.  And last night, I woke up twice in the middle of the night to feed her because I'm the only one who can do that.  I washed out three poopy outfits yesterday because Pampers didn't quite deliver.  And yesterday I held her for four straight hours because she cried every time I tried to put her down.  My life isn't glamorous, but there is nothing I would rather do than be a mom.

Being a mom is completely humbling.  You finally figure out how to get her to sleep, or how to change her diaper without getting pooped on, or how to clear up her rashes.  But then she gets sick, or changes her mind, or God decides it's humbling time.  You realize you were wrong.  You don't know anything, and you realize more than ever that you need God in your life.  My role as a mother organically adapts as I try to figure out how to take care of Lily's changing needs and wants.  Nothing brings me closer to God.

Being a mom makes you more selfless than you thought you could be.  You wake up the day after giving birth only to hop in the cold hospital shower and realize that your slim college figure has been replaced with flab, rolls, and strange lines that never really fade away. And suddenly, sleeping 3 hours straight is a miracle, you even call it "a tender mercy." 24/7 you think of your little one; constantly listening for her cry.  Setting her bouncer right outside the shower while you attempt to hose off her spit up that's matted in your hair.  And then you have to run out of the shower still covered in soap because she won't stop screaming.  Sure, Lily and I have spa day and wear matching clothes on Valentine's day.  But don't tell me I'm a mom just because I like to dress her up in cute hairbows and promenade her through the mall in her umbrella stroller.  I'm a mom because there is nothing more noble than putting my needs and wants aside and serving my sweet girl all day and all night, every single day.  Nothing could bring me more joy.  As one blogger wrote:

[Growing] up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood. … Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get.

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Now I don't know when it's right for other couples to have children.  But God knows.  And he'll tell you if you ask.  

I love being a mom, exhaustion and all.  God is teaching me things that I can only learn by serving someone 24/7.  This mothering role is divine.  

I believe in children.  I believe in motherhood.