Lessons as a mom

One of the most overwhelming things about being a mom is that everyone tells you how to live your life.  You want an epidural?  You're wrong.  You're not using an epidural?  You're wrong.  From types of diapers, to what you should name your child, to the kind of music you should play in utero.  Everyone has their own opinion of what you need to do to create the "perfect" child, and they often try to convince you that their way is superior.  And sometimes, they're right.  But it's all so overwhelming.  

It's like ever since I was an 11 year-old girl helping my sister-in-law bathe my baby nephew, I've had this dream of becoming a warm, loving mother who uses Johnson&Johnson baby soap to clean her newborn angel's tiny cheeks.  I've pictured this over and over again in my mind as I've looked forward to becoming a mother.  But shortly after Lily was born, someone told me that Johnson&Johnson uses harsh chemicals that will dry out my baby's skin blah blah blah.  The image of the mother I always imagined becoming quickly faded away. I can't even describe how many moments like this I've had.  Where I've been told something is wrong, and then right, and then wrong.  Over.  And over.  Again.  It's exhausting for us people-pleasers.  In fact, I think this experience has quite killed the people-pleaser in my heart.  

Being a mom is an incredibly wonderful and heavy responsibility of waking up every 3 hours in the night to feed an empty tummy.  A responsibility of missing Christmas with family because the roads are too icy for a 3 week old newborn.  A responsibility of snuggling and snuggling that tiny body that depends on you for absolutely everything.  But also a responsibility to stop trying to please others.  A responsibility to love and protect your child no matter what anyone else thinks.  And this responsibility takes out any unselfishness you had left over in your heart from your single college days when you could just stay up until 4 having late night DTRs and then hop on over to Denny's with your girlfriends to scarf down pancakes and make fun of the stupid things your now ex-boyfriend said during the DTR.  This motherly responsibility teaches you that there's something bigger than yourself.  Something bigger than living for yourself and pleasing others.  And this something bigger comes in a tiny 7 lbs. 12 oz. package with big blue eyes that stare up at you when you kiss her soft cheeks.  

Motherhood is not about pleasing onlookers and gaining affirmation for using the "right" brand of baby wipes.  Motherhood is taking care of Lily the best way I know how despite any ridicule I may get.  It's mine and David's responsibility to decide what is best for this sweet girl aside from anything else.  And that is quite humbling.

There is nothing more important I could be doing than raising my sweet Lily; and she's already teaching me so much.

Me and my sleepyhead at the Zoo today

This is pretty much what Lily did the entire time we were at the Zoo.  What a cutie :)